Plant extract that treats mom's depression
by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours.

Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy
by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as
teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.

Liquid silicone for single women.
Two full cups swallowed before an evening out
increases breast size, decreases intelligence and improves flirting.

When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause
dangerously low I.Q. causing enjoyment of country western music.

Increases life expectancy of commuters by
controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

When administered to teenage girls, is highly
effective in improving grades, freeing up phone
lines, and reducing money spent on make-up.

Menicillin

Potent antiboyotic for older women.
Increases resistance to such lines as, "You make me want
to be a better person .......can we get naked now?"

Buyagra

Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping.
Increases potency and duration of spending spree.

When combined with Buyagra, can cause an
indiscriminate buying frenzy so severe the victim
may even come home with a Donnie Osmond CD
or a book by Dr. Laura.

JackAsspirin

Relieves the headache caused by a man who can't
remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number.

Anti-talksident

A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone
too eager to share their life stories with total strangers.

Bedroom aerosol spray for men.
More effective than Excedrin in treating the,
"Not now, dear, I have a headache," syndrome.

When administered to a husband, provides the
same irritation as ragging on him all weekend,
saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself.